alovesecrecy.

Infidelity. Four years of laughter, of promises made, A love steady, like sunlight through shade. But care came in hands I did not expect, A soul’s gentle presence, my heart’s secret defect. While I wore the pants, paid the rent, held the weight, Your absence from work shaped our fate. A kiss in a game, a spark that betrayed, Emotions awakened, yet trust frayed. Not malice, not hatred, just hearts that misstepped, Love’s fragile garden, where boundaries wept. And now I walk forward, lessons in tow, Of choices, of longing, of what hearts truly know— Sometimes it’s the people you lean on, the one who shows, That when love falters, a new path often grows. I wanted to be honest, I wanted to be true, But the heart has its own way of breaking through. And in the end, the truth I can’t undo: I broke us first. I broke you first. Fantasies became reality.

It starts with, you. Don’t blame a stranger when you were the first to wound me. You broke me, you broke us. If touch were nothing but passing heat to you, know this— It was a world to me. You said you were busy, You said you weren’t in the mood. But why did I always surrender Whenever you reached for me, Yet you turned away Whenever I reached for you? When I finally stopped, You pulled me back. You couldn’t hold me close, Yet you couldn’t let me go. One day, When I finally give up, Don’t let regret come knocking. Yes— Intimacy is only a bonus in love, But how do I steer this ship when there was no sail, no wind, nothing to start? And when others offer me the attention You kept denying, don’t turn the blame onto me. Tell me, why is your love so selfish?

Regrets and Mistakes Fragments of 2012.  Somewhere along the way, the world taught me too much— the harsh truths I wasn’t ready for, the weight of expectations I didn’t ask to carry, the moments that left my heart a little less soft. In the quiet of growing up, innocence slipped through my fingers, not with a bang, but with a thousand small cracks. I look back and wonder if it was ever really mine, or just a fleeting comfort before life demanded reality. And yet… in losing it, I’ve gained perspective. Strength I didn’t know I had. Clarity I never sought. And a quiet appreciation for the moments that still feel untouched, where wonder refuses to die.

To: fragments-of-a-past-life Happy Birthday, my beautiful walking contradiction, A shadow wrapped in fractured light. You burn with chaos, soft yet wild, A storm that whispers in the night. Every flaw a story, every scar a song, A puzzle where nothing feels wrong. Here’s to another year of your enigmatic fire, My tragic, lovely, unquiet desire.

The Silence of a Friendship (Part II) I still remember our Pizza Hut days when we were sixteen—carefree, laughing, and stumbling through life without a worry. You were my go-to friend, the one I could count on, the most chill guy I knew. But what happened to us? How did we lose what we had? Was it something I did? I’ve asked myself that question over and over, carrying the blame like it was mine to own. Our last memory together was that All Time Low concert. Even then, you were already slipping away—unreachable before the show, leaving me hanging, leaving debts unpaid. It wasn’t just about the ticket. It was the silence, the distance, the way you turned into someone I no longer recognized. I knew you tried again on your second attempt at tying a knot but failed, and still, I stood by you. I sheltered you when you had nowhere else to go, even if it meant being scolded by my dad for bringing a friend home. Not only that, remember those times when I let you crash at my then-rental house, ...

Pulling Back, Yet Drawn In I try to pull away, but somehow, a week slips by unnoticed. The court still brings a glimpse of you — enough to make the pause feel shorter than it is. I linger quietly, careful not to show what’s behind the surface. It started small, just a spark between words, but now I catch myself wondering how deep a quiet thought can grow. You said your steps ran ahead of mine — I notice.

The Silence of a Friendship (Part I) I still remember the small things—calling you biskut.  You're just like chips more 🍪  Because you are always MIA . The little moments that felt like everything. Remember our picnic days? Remember our hangover days? Remember how I built my walls, afraid to invest in this friendship? But I caved in. We once planned holidays and getaways, painting pictures of adventures that never came to life. Back then, it felt like our friendship could weather anything. Even though I was skeptical of a 50-50 chance in my head. But when it mattered most, you chose to leave me hanging. No explanation, no closure. Just silence. You left me high and dry—debts unpaid, promises forgotten, and memories abandoned. Sometimes I wonder if you regret it. Do you ever think about the friendship we had, or am I the only one still holding onto the fragments? What hurts most isn’t the loss itself, but the way it ended—without goodbye, without reason. It’s a strange kind of...