alovesecrecy.

In Another Life I want to be someone I couldn't. I want to achieve the things I couldn't. No regrets. No second-guessing. No wondering what might have been. But this is the life I have. So I'll keep trying in this one.

The Version I’m Becoming Another year older. Not everything turned out the way I imagined it would. Some things stayed. Some things left. Some things changed me quietly. Still, I’m here. A little more tired, a little more careful, but still moving forward. Maybe that’s enough. Grateful for the people who stayed, the lessons that shaped me, and the version of myself I’m still becoming. Here’s to softer days, better rest, and showing up again when it matters. Happy Birthday to me.

Some Days Yesterday’s futsal session felt good. I enjoyed playing. I sweat it out. Everything just… clicked. But I’ve realised something. On the days it doesn’t — when things feel off, when I’m not at my best — I tend to take it harder than I should. As if one bad session defines everything. Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Some days are just not mine. And maybe that’s okay.

Heard, but not understood. Do I have to spell it out? Or was it already clear from the start? I said I would try. I meant it. But trying doesn’t mean I’m ready. And when I had to say it again, something shifted. Not confusion. Just… something being pushed before its time. Your feelings are valid. So are mine. I just needed space to feel it through without being rushed. It shouldn’t have to be repeated for it to be understood.

In Position Lately, I’ve been keeping to a certain rhythm. Training, showing up, repeating it again. Nothing loud, nothing to announce. Just doing what needs to be done. There’s a different kind of focus now. Less about proving anything, more about being ready — in case the moment calls for it. I don’t really think too far ahead. Just making sure that when I step in, I’m not out of place. And if I’m not there yet, then I’ll keep working until I am.

Dear Iris, It’s been a while since I last saw you. Seeing you yesterday felt a little refreshing — nothing grand, just a familiar presence I hadn’t crossed paths with in some time. It shifted my mood quietly, in a way I didn’t expect. We’re not as close as we used to be, and I understand that. I think this is where “access” quietly makes sense to me now. Not everyone stays in the same space. Not everyone needs the same level of closeness they once had. Some connections simply shift over time, without needing to force anything back into place. Still, it was nice seeing you again.