alovesecrecy.

A lunatic's lament. My heart is in turmoil. It holds a secret, a treasure I guard fiercely, a love that only I can feel. The words I want to whisper are lost in the silence of my own heart, a love I can't express. I could never marry you, so I buried you instead. And made sure no one gets you. I'm selfish and relentless about what's happening, but I can't seem to control my emotions. A sudden obsession seizes my soul. No poisonous kiss, but enough to make me a lunatic. I would take a walk together and count the stars that disappear. It almost felt like desperation. Feelings are mutual, but unable to reciprocate, hence it became complicated. Could this lead to a tragic ending? I pondered. May the current obsession fade away. The heart is not strong enough for another fall. Why must things be so complicated? Why do we have to cross paths at the wrong time? Why is a stone heart able to get swayed, to have feelings again? So many questions yet when we put it to faith, e...

Hymn for the weekend. My mind was in turmoil during the weekend. I was in a beautiful mess, physically and emotionally. Overthinking kills. Everything else didn't matter. Getting a grip on myself each time I had dark thoughts. How will this end? I paused. I was flustered when my feelings swayed. I kept questioning myself, "Is this what I really want?" It's fascinating to see a faithful soul who unconsciously ended up being the most hurt. Underrated as it may sound, being upright seemed the biggest help one could be. Being zestful and zealous hides the pain away, wearing the biggest smile so no one notices. An addiction to listening to every chapter of a story. Honored to think that it crosses one's mind. This was a powerful self-reflection—raw and honest. It sounds like I'm standing at a turning point, where clarity is trying to break through the fog of everything I've been carrying. That voice telling me to fix things, to face reality, it may be my intuit...

Friend or Foe? After a long hiatus, I'm back at it again. A LOT has happened. Hmm, where do I start?  Here we go. Let's do a recap. From being a concert goer, to tourney for futsal, joining marathon, and not forgetting traveling, my life is pretty much hectic. A year into work-life balance got me busy. Not complaining, more of enjoying every single bit. You know the saying "enjoy the little things in life". I have never been to so many concerts within a year! To my surprise, I actually went for 5 concerts in June '24 onwards Fenomena Dato' Sri Siti Nurhaliza, Newboys, Setia Band, Wali Band, Ne-yo. I believe I might have missed out a few other concerts starting of the year hehe. I was a former atheletic back in school so I decided to be competitive in running. My first 10km run was with Garmin, and guess what? I kinda like it. It made me feel like I was running away from everything, until I saw the finish line! I also joined the 5km run for both Great Eastern ...

Will it ever be enough? I was bawling my eyes out yesterday after keeping it for so long. If you don't know me yet, I will keep everything, bottling it up until it decides to burst one day. Yes, I'm that kind of person. I will take in every word you have ever said and endure it for a very very long time. It's in my nature that I have no one to share it with, and regretting the moment I choose to share it with someone. I should've tolerated it and had more patience but I failed. I was so sick, with all the combos; you name it. That's when I realised I was triggered by a word.  I am always never good enough in the eyes of my family members. All that they have seen is only my flaws, the negativity. I don't even have the respect of making my own decision, even though it took me a while to decide. I don't have a say.  My holidays planned for Q were not a "WOW" factor type of country. I have to inform them that I've planned for school holidays blabla...

FIFA WORLD CUP 2024 SGP 1 - 3 THAILAND Tuesday, 11 June 2024 Loooooooooooonnggggggg overdue post. Managed to watch the match with 2 good friends while helping to do laundry haha! Watching Korea vs China at the same time. Thoughts? A for effort! My solid opinion. Why? The goalkeeper saved many times and it was pleasant to watch. The lions team effort was better when I did not have expectations. Thanks to Ikhsan Fandi for scoring a goal despite the loss. PS; That bicycle kick from Ilhan Fandi is a disgrace. And, and, kudos to Safuwan B. for the great defense. I was hoping for a win no doubt! Perhaps, next time. 😜 Quote of the day: Try again.

  Piece of work. I was not born with a silver spoon. Hence, responsibilities start kicking in as early as secondary school days. I remember starting my first job as an ice cream seller. Door to door.   (Iykyk)  I was fourteen. It was during the fasting month. I fasted the whole day and didn't get to break my fast close to 9pm. My dad called me and was worried sick. I told him not to worry and that I was okay. He felt really bad that I was working. I should be enjoying life in school instead of worrying about money. But I know I had to help. It was an area that I was unfamiliar with, Clementi. Thankful enough that I can converse in basic Mandarin. You will understand my statement when I explain it further. It was a rental flat that I was deployed to and most did not own a refrigerator. One word to describe: Difficult. I thought of ditching the job but persevered for another 2-3 shifts. I was paid daily, at the end of my shift. That is when I realised what "working" meant. ...